Posted By Nan

Psalm 131

I will wait …

2018 has been a year of God challenging me on how to have a relationship with Him.
It has involved throwing out all the church imposed formulas I have been taught since childhood and taking me back to the throneroom He stood me in as a teenager.
It has involved taking me back to the frightened child who petitioned God for hours every night about every eventuality that may happen to make her frightening life even more frightening. Shaking out of me the secular denominationalism, the prayer formulas, the “you have to listen to the minister/pastor/preacher”. The “you have to go to church to be a Christian”.
Taking me back to the basics of relating to God that the patriarchs and their families in Genesis knew. To what Moses and the people of Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy knew.
Taking me away from the modern doing, always doing.
Stripping me of the need to please the adults in my life in order to have some semblance of safety. Stripping away the things taught me in ignorance.
Showing me much in the Bible and through reading the work of Hildegard of Bingen and other ancient biblical scholars whose walk with God was one I would love to have.
How I long to go back and tell the little girl how much God loves her. To hold her and comfort her, to tell her that some day these people who invade her body and her mind will be gone and she will have a good life with a good man and decades of happy marriage and beautiful children. To tell her how much God will bless her.
How she is not to be scared of the spiritual realm she sees around her. To befriend the spiritual, because that discernment is a gift from God. To know that her way of worshipping God is pure and wonderful what I need to return to. Return to that place where that little girl looked with such wonder at the world and saw God’s creation energy in everything around her. The aspect where she had such love and concern for other people, selflessly helping others, even when they couldn’t see it. The aspect where she would go to be on her own and just sit with God and all the majesty of His creation surrounding her.
It is time to cast off the clutter the world has imposed on how I relate to God, telling me that little girl’s steadfast faith was wrong, and to return to true relating to God. Change is always hard and I have felt in the changes I have been through that I was maybe not honouring God as I should, but He has shown me that I have been honouring Him far more than I realise and He is happy with that. So on to a wonderful 2019 walking with God. On to waiting in the darkness, singing praises and waiting without fear. Waiting in expectant faith and trust in God’s plan and His perfect timing.
Over the coming weeks I will be exploring change and waiting. I would love it if you could join me on this journey.

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